


Second Chances

by Brianda94



Series: Spencer & Allison [2]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-05-31 22:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15129401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brianda94/pseuds/Brianda94
Summary: Leaving behind your whole life is not easy, much less when the person who saved you and gave you hope has to be left also behind. Waiting for your kidnapper to be caught is also overwhelming, but Allison Monroe can’t complain about having a second chance although her heart screams to go back to Virginia.





	1. Chapter 1

Sarah Ryder. She had to get used to respond to that name and get used to her new hair too. Now she had a modern cut and blue. She didn’t recognize herself when she looked in the mirror, that’s why she always took a deep breath and repeated in a whisper:

"My name is Allison Monroe, I was born the 10th of July of 1987 in Virginia. My parents John and Natalie Monroe died in a traffic accident in 1999. I’ve been tortured, buried alive and shot but I’m a survivor".

Life in Maine wasn’t bad, she had a house, a small job in the library of a school and a her own money account with the money she had previously plus a small amount that could help her to start from zero. Thanks to Aaron Hotchner.

Allison couldn’t complain but every day was heavy to her not knowing how it was doctor Reid. Their goodbye had been short but so intense, she could still feel his lips when she closed her eyes at night. She knew she had to forget him, but there are persons who marks your life and the FBI agent had mark her existence. Without him, Allison wouldn’t be there and wouldn’t be who she was in that moment, a person decided to fight and keep going.

Although it was completely forbidden that she contacted with none of them, she knew that Penelope Garcia could delete her trace, she was the best. That afternoon she couldn’t help herself anymore and sent an email to a private account of Garcia who had given it to her when she was interrogated in the unit.

“Dear Penelope, I’m really sorry for involving you in this, but that day in the hospital you were right, I care for Dr. Reid, I care for him more than I should but I can’t stop wondering if he’s alright knowing your dangerous job. I know I’m asking to much but, please, I would live a lot calmer knowing that Spencer, and all of you, are alright. I miss you all. With all my affection. A. M. xx“.

The agent was speechless when she read the email and she didn’t know how to react. Garcia knew she could get in trouble if she hid that to her boss but she also understood the circumstance of the young girl. None of the agents had missed the slight red lips of the youngest in the unit when he had left the room where he had said goodbye to Allison, nor they missed the sadness that Reid had the following weeks. That’s why, the romantic Garcia, didn’t doubt in answering the email.

In that moment, they started a chain of emails. Garcia told her how they all were while Allison told Garcia how she was feeling and adapting to her new life but never revealing where she was or which job she had. And Garcia couldn’t track her down because her computer was prepared for it, another thing thanks to Hotch.

One afternoon after arriving home from work, she changed her clothes and took her laptop. She was going to watch episodes of her favorite series but saw that she had an email, getting surprised to see the work URGENT.

“Dear A.M.: before you get scared, Spencer is okay, but he’s hospitalized in Maryland City because in the last case he got infected with anthrax. He’s been healed but I thought you should know. With all my love, computer’s genious”.  
Allison didn’t even think of answering, she ran to her room to change again. She took her new identity’s papers, money and went to the bus station where she could pay in hand the ticket so her name wouldn’t be registered anywhere.

After two hours of trip, Allison walked through the streets of Meryland as fast as her legs let her, until she got to the hospital. She stayed next to a family, looking as one more of the group, so she could step into the zone where the ill persons where. She looked for Reid and when she found him, she was paralyzed. Reid was sleeping, or sedated, and he wasn’t looking that well. Allison swallowed and pressed her lips into a thin line, she wasn’t ready. Taking a deep breath, she stepped into the room, sitting next to him and taking his hand.

"You didn’t listen to me with this… I asked you to take care. I know is your job but… You won’t let me live in peace, right? I will always been wondering if you are alright" she sighed and stretched her arm to touch his hair "you’re letting it grow…".

"They joke about doing him braids" Allison tensed at the sound of the voice behind her, she didn’t need to turn to know who it was "you shouldn’t be here".

The young woman got up and turned slowly to find herself face to face with Hotchner.

"Hi…".

Hotch approached and analyzed her face with a frown.

"How have you known?" she kept quiet but he crossed his arms above his chest and sighed "it’s honorable that you want to protect Garcia, she’s the only one who can contact you without us knowing".

"It was me who contacted her, please don’t scold her. I just want to know if you all were fine".

"I understand what you feel and I promise that you will come back to Virginia when we catch Williamson, but for now I ask you not to take risks".

"It won’t happen again, I promise. It’s just that… He was infected with anthrax" she whispered with trembling voice.

Hotch walked to her the meters between them and she hugged him. He hugged back and sighed before asking:

"How are you?".

"I’m fine" she pulled away and smiled "thank you for all you’ve done".

He nodded and looked at Reid, she did the same.

"He has scared us but he’s been very brave and he’s completely healed" Allison caressed Reid’s cheek and smiled slightly "you have to go before he wakes up, because if he sees you he won’t let you go… He misses you too".

"Will you take care of him?" she asked looking at Hotch who nodded.

"As much as I can".

The young woman leaned in to kiss Reid’s forehead softly and turned to look at Hotch.

"Thank you so much".

"Goodbye Allison".

She left the room but looked back at Reid once more before leaving the hospital. In the bus back to Maine, she wrote a thankful email to Penelope.

Not long after Allison got scared again when Penelope informed her that Reid had been shot in the leg after saving one of the victims in a case. Allison was relieved to know that Hotch obligated him to stay in Virginia with Garcia. Nerveless she was more preoccupied of Hotch, who had suffered nine stabs in his own house. Garcia didn’t go deep into what had happened, which in the end was better. Garcia and Allison wrote each other a lot those days, talking about both men. When Penelope told her that soon Reid wouldn’t have to use crutches but that he was still limping a bit, Allison got informed about how to send a package without having to put her address.

Five days later Reid was confused to received a package in the office.

"What it is?" Morgan us peeking from his table.

"I have no idea but if it has gone through the control of the building…" Reid murmured pulling away the paper and opening the package to reveal a wonderful wood cane carved in the handle "oh wow…".

"Who is the remitter?" Prentiss asked walking to Reid.

"There’s no remitter".

"Whoever it is, it has good taste".

Reid smiled and got up to try the cane.

"It’s perfect for my height…".

"So this person knows you, who knows about your injury?" Morgan asked.

"My neighbors have seen me in the building but…".

"You could always ask Garcia to trace it" Prentiss suggested.

"I think it would make all the magic disappear" the cheerful analyst said appearing in the room.

"Do you know who has send it?" Reid asked sitting again.

"No, but receiving a gift from someone mysterious adds sugar to life, and you all need a little bit of that with this job".

Reid smiled and stared at the cane, leaving it leaning on his table. Garcia didn’t waste time in going back to her computer to write Allison to tell her how successful her gift was.


	2. Chapter 2

That Friday morning Allison, or better said Sarah, was taking a coffee with her coworkers when one of them, Brad, sat next to her with a newspaper.

"May I borrow it?" she asked with a smile.

Brad gave it to her with a silly smile. The man had flirted with her since she set foot in school, but she didn’t flirt back, she was just nice because starting a relationship when your life was a lie, it was not advisable. In addition, she had the hope to return to Virginia even though it had already been a year and a half since he arrived in Maine.

While the teachers talked, and complained, she flipped through the newspaper without paying too much attention to the headlines, but a picture made her stop and focus on an article. That picture was of Aaron Hotchner and the article was about the murder of his ex-wife, as well as the capture of a famous serial killer. Allison barely knew anything about Hotchner's relationship with his ex-wife, but she did know that he had a boy, a boy who had lost his mother in a brutal way. She covered her mouth with one of her hands, the other trembled holding the paper while she finished reading the article and excused herself for a moment to go to the bathroom and, with her cell phone, wrote to Penelope.

She let the morning pass and part of the afternoon but Garcia didn’t answer the email. She was picking up her things when Brad appeared in the doorway with a smile.

"Any plan for the weekend, Sarah?" he always asked the same on Fridays, and sometimes she accepted to go out with him.

"Actually I have a trip".

"A trip? Where?".

"I have to see a friend, see you on Mondays" said walking next to him with a smile.

"Bye…"

Allison went to her house to take some things although she was sure that Hotch would make her return really soon. During her trip on the bus, she tried to plan what to say, but nothing was appropriate, what can you say to a man who has lost one of the most important persons in his life? The mother of his son, a woman he had loved madly ... Allison would act on instinct.

Finding Hotchner's address was not difficult, so, almost at night, she took a breath before knocking on the front door with her knuckles. When it was opened, Allison didn’t miss how he frowned and the dark circles under his eyes, he seemed much older than the last time they saw each other

"What are you doing here?" he asked with a firm tone.

"I… I s-saw it in the newspaper this morning and…" she swallowed "I had to see you".

They stared at each other until the serious man stepped away to let her step into the house.

"You shouldn’t be here" he said closing the door behind her.

"I know" she turned to look at him. There she didn’t see a FBI agent but a fragile man so she walked to him and hugged him "I’m really sorry…".

"Thank you" he said back hugging her too.

"Dad?".

Allison pulled away to see a boy approaching with curiosity. She looked at Hotch and then at the boy again.

"Hi, my name is Allison".

"I’m Jack".

"Nice to meet you".

"Jack, go to clean your hands, Allison it’s going to have dinner with us".

The little one nodded and went to the bathroom while Hotch led Allison to the living room.

"How is your son?" she asked shyly.

"He misses his mother, but luckily he hasn’t realized what was all about".

"I remember I saw his picture in your office" said sitting on the sofa, and he did the same "and when I read the new in the newspaper… I wrote Garcia but she didn’t answer me and here I am".

"You promised me you wouldn’t do it again".

Jack appeared asking for dinner because he was hungry, so the three of them sat down at the table and Jack told them about the school and his friends. Allison observed that Hotch was trying to keep his composure in front of the boy, tried to smile for him, but in reality he was a mess. After dinner Jack went straight to bed and the adults stayed in the living room. Allison wanted to know what had happened but couldn’t ask, could not put her finger on the sore. Allison agreed to stay to sleep, though she managed to convince Hotch that she would stay on the couch and not in the guest room.

The following day Allison woke up when Jack caressed her arm and smiled when she opened her eyes.

"Hi!".

"Jack, hello" she smiled sitting and yawning "what time is it?".

"8".

"And your father is not up yet?".

"Nop".

"What do you think about… Making breakfast?".

The boy nodded cheerfully and took her hand to take her to the kitchen. Hotch got up shortly after and found them putting the breakfast on the table.

"Morning…" Allison and Jack turned to look at him "I see you’ve done breakfast, thank you".

"No worries" replied Allison smiling.

"You have to try the pancakes!" yelled Jack starting to chew on one of them and she winked at him.

After the breakfast, Jack stayed in the living room watching cartoons while Hotch and Allison where in the kitchen.

"I know you are dying to ask for them".

"Is that obvious?".

"You haven’t stopped whirling the glass between your hands and you don’t look at me for more than two seconds".

She laughed and sighed, looking at him at last.

"After what have happened to you, anything that could happen to them pales in comparison".

Hotch just stared at her.

"Reid is a lot better, the cane you sent him has helped him a lot".

"How did you…? Forget it".

"Allison…".

"What a change in the tone".

Hotch sighed and nodded.

"I have to ask you to stop your communication with Garcia. You shouldn’t have any contact with your past life and I understand you want to hold on to us, to Reid, because we make you feel safe but I know that anytime something happens to us, you will come".

"I won’t".

"You promised me not to do it again and here you are. You can’t control yourself. I think it’s generous of you to care about all of us but you have to understand that you are exposing yourself to great danger coming here".

"Why? You think Willliamson is still here in Virginia?".

"He hasn’t acted again, which means that he probably is looking for you and he’s not an idiot, he knows we are the closest persons to you".

"Can you tell me something?" Hotch nodded "why does he do it?".

"Allison…".

"Please" she begged.

"Walter Williamson is 38, in his childhood his stepmother abused him, not sexually but beat him to death. During his teenage days he was the target of jokes because he was socially awkward. The fact that he wanted to keep your eyes to him is because of control, the one he didn’t have before".

"But he didn’t abuse me sexually".

"It’s not about the sexual frustration of his teenage years, but because of the trauma his stepmother caused him. He found pleasure in torture you".

"And why did he bury us alive?".

"Her stepmother abuse wasn’t just beatings, he was also locked in a chest in the basement".

"Good God…".

The girl took a deep breath and looked at him with sadness.

"Thank you for your honesty…".

Hotch just nodded.

The both of them went to the living room and the woman crouched in front of Jack.

"Hey, I have to go…".

"And when are you coming back?".

"I promise I will come back but I can’t say when. Until then, could you do me a favor?" the boy nodded and she hugged him whispering something in his ear "alright?".

"Yes".

"You have to be a good boy".

She kissed his forehead and stood up, following Hotch to the main door.

"It’s an order, for you and Penelope".

"May I… Send her a goodbye?".

"Alright… But no one more".

"I promise" she whispered looking at the floor "and can you give this to Reid? Don’t tell him it’s mine".

Hotch didn’t answer but Allison took a small notebook and wrote something. She folded the paper and gave it to him.

"I will make sure he receives it".

"Thank you" she wiped away her tears and smiled at him "see you, Aaron Hotchner".

"Good luck Allison Monroe".

They hugged and she left the house without looking back while the man looked through the window at an example of crossing the line between work, being a victim, and the personal side. Allison Monroe definitely wasn’t just a name of an innocent rescued person, no, she was much more.

Allison took a deep breath in the bus back to Maine and took her phone to write Penelope for the last time:

“Dear friend: I’m afraid this is the last time I’m writing you, it’s better to accept the idea that I won’t come back and hold on to you won’t let me keep going in this new life. I would love to say you so many things… But simply I ask you to take care of each other and, please, hug Reid for me, giving him the affection I won’t be able to give. And THANK YOU. Thank you for so many things but specially for having stepped into the meeting room that day, what a bored life have those people who don’t know Penelope Garcia. Don’t ever change goddess of computers. I love you A.M.”.

She deleted her email account and closed her eyes trying not to cry.

The following Monday, Penelope sighed sadly while reading the message and mumbled in a whisper:

"Goodbye my friend".

Meanwhile, Hotch who was the first one to arrive to office, left Allison’s paper on Reid’s table. He would lie if he said he wasn’t curious about what was in the paper but he respected their privacy and didn’t unfold it.

Hours later, Reid found the paper and frowned surprised. He sat and put his bag away before taking the paper and unfold it.

“Te digo adiós para toda la vida, aunque toda la vida siga pensando en ti” José Ángel Buesa  
(“I say goodbye to you for life, even if I keep all my life thinking of you”).

He was confused, he didn’t understand who could have left him such a message and he looked around, wondering who had left the paper there. He knew who the writer was, José Ángel Buesa was a romantic poet from Cuba, his popularity was due in large part to the clarity and profound sensitivity of his work.

Then he remembered, in his own handwriting on a list, a work that collected the best poems of that author. A list given to a young woman who marked him, a personality that motivated him, a bracelet that contained the memory of a sincere kiss and that still rested on his wrist. Reid sighed but smiled, keeping the piece of paper in his wallet, to always carry it close to him.


	3. Chapter 3

TWO YEARS LATER

The numbers of the elevator seemed to made fun of her nerves, changing too slowly. Luckily she was alone and she could make her breathing exercises without seem a weirdo.

When she arrived at the desired plant, she swallowed and crossed the elevator’s doors with a determined step, however, she felt that she was losing her strength when she opened the doors to the offices. She stood at the doorway, looking around and remembering her previous visits years ago. Slowly she crossed the central corridor between the work tables of those who saved her life, their memory made her smile.   
Then she turned her head to look at the offices, Hotchner's was empty, but there was someone in J.J.’s. Like it was destiny, the blonde woman looked through the window and saw her there. J.J. stood up and opened the door, going down the stairs to be in front of her, speechless.

"Hello J.J.".

"Allison…".

She smiled closing her eyes.

"There’s been years since I heard that name" she opened her eyes smiling.

"Oh my God…" J.J. mumbled before hugging Allison tight.

Allison hugged her back with the same strength.

"We knew that Williamson was arrested in Maine, but we didn’t know if national security had contacted with you to let you know" J.J. pulled away smiling "they haven’t sent the papers about the arrest and all those things".

"I can tell you about the arrest because I was a witness".

"You were in Maine?" she asked frowning.

Allison smiled with sadness before whispering:

"He found me…".

"No…".

"It’s okay, at least he’s in prison now… Where are the rest? I must confess I want to see them all…".

"Right now they are in a case, I had things to solve here. You have to know that things have change here".

She said with such a seriousness that Allison felt panic because she had been so immersed in what have happened that she didn’t think about the changes that could happen in those years.

"What has happened?".

"Let’s talk in my office better".

The both of them stepped into the office and took a seat.

"Emily left the unit months ago".

"Really? What a pity… And the rest?".

"Hotch, Reid, Rossi, Morgan and Garcia are still here. We have a new agent called Alex Blake".

Allison nodded and saw a ring in J.J.’s finger.

"You’ve got married!".

"Yes" she smiled happily "a few months ago".

"Congratulations!!".

"Thank you Allison" replied with a smile "now, please, could you tell me what have happened?".

The woman took a deep breath and started to tell her what have happened in the last month. The agent was used to stories like the one Allison was telling, nerveless, she swallowed more than once and sighed with sadness.

"…and that’s why I didn’t come immediately. I guess it won’t take long for you to have the papers of the arrest".

"Allison…" J.J. mumbled taking her hand over the table.

"Don’t worry" she smiled through the tears "I just want to forget it and start again".

"Of course, and we’ll be here for whatever you need".

"Thank you very much" said wiping away her tears with a smile "tell me, how are doing the others? I know Hotch has been through a difficult time after the murder of his ex-wife".

"They were really hard moments but he’s a strong man and he’s taking care of Jack".

"He’s a really nice boy".

"Sorry?".

Allison pressed her lips realizing her mistake but sighed.

"When his wife was murdered and I read it in the newspaper I took a but from Maine to see Hotch. And I had been sending emails with Penelope before to know how you all were until that trip. He forbade me to contact any of you again because he knows me well, he knew that if something happened to you, I would return".

"You were putting yourself in such a danger…".

"I know…".

"Then, you were the one who send the cane to Reid?".

"Yes, that was me" she smiled "how is he?".

J.J.’s face changed completely and looked away.

"What happens? Is he okay?".

"Not exactly…".

"Has he been shot?".

"No, it’s not that… Look, Spence had a girlfriend for months. They met because Spence had severe headaches and slept poorly, the doctors said he had nothing but he insisted it was not psychosomatic, so he got in touch with a neurologist, Maeve Donovan. They only communicated by phone but ... They fell in love" said with a smile "Spencer was really happy".

"They didn’t meet?".

"Maeve had a stalker and didn’t dare leave the house. They tried to meet once but it didn’t work and a week ago... Maeve was kidnapped, Spence asked us for help looking for her and we managed to find her but her stalker, she ... Maeve was killed in front of Spence. He was about to give his life for her but we couldn’t save her".

Allison inhaled loudly before putting her hands over her mouth and her eyes filled with tears.

"He’s been locked up in his house and he doesn’t answer our calls".

"Poor Reid… Fuck, he doesn’t deserve this…".

"We are really worried about him".

"My God…" she whispered cleaning her cheeks.

They were silent for a few seconds until Allison got up abruptly.

"Don’t tell anyone I’ve been here".

"What?" J.J. asked confused and standing up from her chair.

"Promise me you won’t tell him or anyone. I… I’m not fine and I thought that maybe Reid could help me overcome this because he, or his memory, had kept me going this last month when I was alone and scared in Maine. But now Reid needs to heal his own wounds. I promise I will come back when I’m better. Now you have to help him…".

"We’ll take care of him…".

They hugged but J.J. wasn’t convinced in hiding that to Reid, but she could also understand Allison.

"Thank you" Allison gave her a squeeze before leaving the office.

"Allison" the agent stayed in the doorway of her office while Allison was almost at the doors "take care please and, if you need something, call me".

The young woman simply nodded before leaving the building. She had left the suitcase with all her belongings, at least those she wanted to keep, at the reception, for security measures. So she picked them up and walked through the streets, not knowing very well where to go. She had planned to stay in a motel meanwhile but now that she knew she had to ask for help truly… She sat at a bench, remembering the last four years and took her phone, dialing a number she knew by heart.

"Sarah?".

"Hello Brad…".

"Where are you? Are you alright?".

"Don’t worry".

"You disappeared a month ago! Federals came to the school to tell us you are called   
Allison and you were in witness protection… What is happening?".

"I’m really sorry" she started to cry.

"Then, is it true?".

"Yes…" she whispered.

She heard that person who had been more than a friend breathing deeply at the other side.

"Brad, I’m so sorry…".

"Why didn’t you tell us when you could?".

"Didn’t they tell you what happened?".

"Yes, and I tried to go to your house but you didn’t open your door!".

"I couldn’t face you, nor anyone".

"Fuck Sarah, we haven’t been a couple but we’ve shared a lot of things and you know I’ve always cared about you".

"And I care about you too Brad".

"Really?".

"Why do you think I didn’t want to start a relationship? It wasn’t because I didn’t like you, I won’t get tired of telling you how great you are, but you didn’t deserve to life with a person who doesn’t exist…".

"You could have talked to me! You could have helped you Sarah… Or whatever is your name".

Allison swallowed.

"It was a burden that you shouldn’t carry on your shoulders…".

"You know I would do anything for you".

"I know and I couldn’t take advantage of that…".

Brad sighed.

"I’m sorry I wasn’t enough for you to stay here" Allison covered her mouth to stop a sob. 

"I hope the best for you Sarah".

"You know I loved you in my own way".

Brad chuckled with sadness.

"And I thank you for that… Take care, okay? And if you ever decide to come back to Maine, you know where to find me".

"Goodbye Brad".

She hung up and stayed a few minutes there crying in silence before standing up to go where she needed.

An hour later she was at the reception of the mental institution of Virginia.

"Good morning, how may I help you?" asked the receptionist.

"Good morning, I’m Allison Monroe, we’ve talked an hour ago".

"Of course, let me call Dr. Tanner".

A little bit later, a man about 50 appeared smiling kindly.

"Hello miss Monroe, please follow me to my office".

Both took the elevator.

"Tell me" spoke the doctor "what’s your motive to ask for residence in our institution?".

"Do you know the murderer of orphans?" she asked looking at him and when she saw him nod, she looked ahead again "I’m the only one who survived from his attacks".


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!!!

Three weeks, Hotchner, who didn’t know about Allison’s visit, called Reid to his office. He had returned although the wasn’t fine but work kept him entertained and for a while he didn’t have to think.

"Did you want to see me?" asked the doctor in the doorway of his boss’ office.

"Yes, come in and close the door please".

He did what he was asked for and sat in a chair in front of Hotch.

"If it’s because of what have happened, I promise to concentrate better".

"I don’t doubt your capacity of work Reid, I’ve called you because there’s something you have to know" that called Reid’s attention and frowned confused "a month ago we were notify of Walter Williamson’s arrest" Reid stood speechless so Hotch continued "it was in Maine, he attacked a girl called Sarah Ryder and he was arrested because the girl escaped and went to the police. I’m telling you because I thought you would like to know".

"Is that girl okay?".

"Yes".

Reid sighed nodding "and Allison? Is been notified?".

"National Security hasn’t confirmed if they had contacted with her yet but we must be thankful that girl can leave in peace now".

The youngest agent tried to smile but it wasn’t that convincing although he truly was happy for her.

"Thank you Hotch, I would like to know when they find Allison".

"Of course".

"Thanks…".

Reid went back to his table and Morgan looked at him suspiciously "what did Hotch want?".

"Do you remember Allison Monroe?".

"Yes, I do".

"Williamson has been arrested in Maine".

"That’s great!".

"Yes… Now Allison can truly rest and come back if she wants to".

"Would you like her to come back?".

Reid didn’t answer immediately but smiled slightly and nodded "it would be great to see her again, yes…".

Morgan smiled although he noticed there was no enthusiasm in his voice. Meanwhile, J.J. stepped into Hotch office "you haven’t told him all".

"The only thing Reid need to know is that Allison Monroe is safe".

"We are not sure of that, she has been undercover again for months".

"If that girls is still as I remember, she can take care of herself. But ask Garcia to look for her".

"Alright".

"I hope I don’t have to remind you that Reid don’t have to know what happened in Maine, not at least he asks for it".

"I won’t tell him anything".

"Thank you J.J.".

The woman nodded and left the office. She looked at Reid and Morgan that were still talking. One day she would have to tell him but it wasn’t the right moment.

 

SIX MONTHS LATER  
Doctor Spencer Reid had to take care the subway all days to go to work, a coffee in his hands and a scarf around his neck because it was starting to be cold. The subway he had to take stopped in front of him and, when he was going to get in it, he looked at his left, seeing the passengers that got off the other wagon. It seemed another normal day, like any other, if he hadn’t seen a ghost of the past. The doors started to beep and he jumped into his wagon, turning to see if he was wrong or if he truly had seen Allison Monroe. The doors closed and the amount of people made impossible to see her, or the person he could have confused her with, but he was quite sure it was her. Shorter hair and blue strikes but still her.

During his way to his work, he couldn’t stop thinking about what have happened in the subway, that’s why he went directly to Garcia’s cave.

"Hi Garcia" he greeted opening the door.

"What brings you to my sanctuary dear doctor?".

"When was the last time you looked for Allison’s whereabouts?".

"Um… Two weeks ago, we’ve been so busy…".

"Could you look again please? I think I’ve seen her in the subway".

"Really??".

"Yes, but I couldn’t react in time".

Garcia turned to her computer "already on it".

"Thanks".

When Reid left Garcia’s cave, she called Hotch, who had asked her to notify him with anything related to Allison "sir, Reid has asked me to look for Allison again, he says he has seen her this morning in the subway".

"Have you found her?".

"I’m on it sir".

"Thank you".

Hotch left his office to go to J.J.’s "Reid has seen Allison in the subway this morning, she has come back to Virginia. Garcia is looking for her, you know what to do".

J.J. nodded and, after taking the archive, she approached Reid’s table "Spence, we have to talk. Please, come with me".

"What happens?".

Morgan looked at them curious.

"We have to talk in private".

Without asking again, Reid followed her to the meeting room and sat nervous. J.J. sighed and put the folder of the archive in front to him "if we find Allison, you have to know all the truth".

"What truth?".

"Hotchner decided to tell you about Williamson’s arrest but he didn’t tell you all that happened. You weren’t fine because of what happened to Maeve and we didn’t want you to…".

"What happens J.J.?" he asked almost hysterical.

"As you know, Williamson was arrested because he attacked Sarah Ryder. Sarah Ryder was the new identity of Allison".

The doctor paled and opened the folder to read the archive. Because of his speed, it took her just half a minute "he… He r-raped her…".

"Yes…" she took another folder she had on her lap "this is the medical certificate and…"

"And?".

J.J. took a deep breath before telling the bomb "Spencer, Allison got pregnant".

"What?" he asked feeling his stomach turning.

"Three weeks after the attack she went back for a check. In the blood test she had a positive result in pregnancy but she decided to interrupt him right there".

With trembling hands, Reid took the other folder and read about the injuries during the rape and the abortion. He felt a lump on his throat that made it difficult to breath. He didn’t realize he had started to cry until a tear fell on the paper. He closed the folder and covered his eyes with his hand.

"I’m really sorry Spence…".

"You should have told me" he murmured angrily.

"She asked me not to" Reid looked up at her frowning "Allison came a week after Maeve’s death and I know she wanted to see us all but specially she was looking for your support and in that moment you couldn’t have do so".

"You’ve know all this time and you haven’t told me?" he exclaimed standing up from the chair.

"She made me promise I wouldn’t tell you or anyone. Not even Hotch knows".

"We could have helped her!!".

"Do you want to know what she told me? That we had to take care of you, don’t let you sink in. You needed time for yourself not for worrying about another person, and she understood that before you will".

"I don’t care about the promise you’ve made, she needed me".

"And do you think you could have helped her?" she stood up from her chair too "no, you couldn’t have and, in my opinion, she did the best for both. If she had leaned on you, both of you would have been crushed. She was really brave choosing to face her traumas alone and leave you the time you needed. So appreciate her gesture instead of getting angry with us because now you have the chance to be there for her".

Reid stood speechless, looking at her. He was furious, but he understood what J.J. had said. The door was opened suddenly and Penelope stepped in with a paper in her hand "I have her direction, I’ve told Hotch and he gives his permission to both of you to go".

The doctor walked to her and took the paper "thanks Garcia".

J.J. sighed and went after him. In the elevator, Reid took a deep breath and confessed "I don’t know how to greet her…".

"Don’t think about it".

"I don’t know how to feel right now… Almost four years J.J., it’s been a while since I last thought about her" he said with honesty.

"Don’t worry, everything will be fine".


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!

They decided to go by J.J.’s car and it was she who made the door of the building being opened. They went upstairs slowly, getting ready to see Allison again.

"She has shorter hair and some blue strands" Reid murmured "she had to change her appearance when she got to Maine to be Sarah Ryder…" he stopped abruptly in the stairs and J.J. looked at him "Sarah Ryder, S-R. Like me. She asked Hotch and Rossi if she could choose her name".

She smiled softly "come on".

Seconds later he found himself in the door that belonged to Allison's apartment but it was J.J. who knocked on the door while Reid swallowed. They heard how the other side removed a bolt before the door opened.

Reid felt his hands go numb and a knot in his stomach when he saw her face after so long. Her features had sharpened, her skin free of imperfections and her eyes had lost that special glow he had once known. Allison looked at him directly, watching his face closely. The jaw was more accentuated, the short hair and the large hazel eyes surrounded by their characteristic dark circles. Even so, he looked more handsome than he remembered, making her smile slightly.

"You still don’t rest what you should doctor Reid".

She opened the door and stepped aside for the both of them to step in. J.J. hugged her once the door was closed and asked "where have you been these last months?".

"Interned in the mental health institute here in Virginia" she answered without hesitation and she saw the surprised of J.J. "it’s what I had to do and now I’m better. I was going to contact you as soon as I got settled but I suspect that Penelope has beaten me".

She turned to Reid, who was staring at her with sad eyes and his hands on his pockets, he was nervous "how are you Spencer? You look good with short here".

"You still have blue dye".

Allison laughed and sighed "sit please, do you want something to drink? Coffee?".

J.J.’s phone ringed and saw it was a text from Garcia.

"I have to go back" she looked up at Allison and Reid "you can stay Spence. Allison, do you have a phone?".

"Not yet, but I don’t think I will go out that much these days, I have to finish lots of things here so if you want to come by…".

"Count on it" J.J. hugged her and left the apartment.

Allison looked at Reid that seemed a bit uncomfortable "coffee?".

"Yes, please".

"Go to the living room, make yourself comfortable".

The girl disappeared in what he supposed was the kitchen while he entered the living room. There were a couple of boxes next to an empty bookcase and he could not help but peer out to see what it was about as the covers were wide open. Books. Lots of books. He heard Allison approached so he sat on the sofa, looking at his hands.

"Here you have" she said leaving the cup of coffee on the table "don’t worry, I’ve put six spoons of sugar".

"You still remember".

"I remember absolutely everything since the night Williamson kidnapped me" said sitting next to him but leaving space between them, her own cup of coffee between her hands "how are you?".

"This is strange… I’ve seen you this morning in the subway and for a moment I didn’t think you were real. I asked Garcia to find you but I didn’t think about what to do or say if we met".

She smiled softly, nodding and looking away.

"You know? I Imagined a lot of times what I would tell you if we saw each other again, but… We are different persons now and now we are strangers, aren’t we?" she looked up at him to see that he was analyzing her "I’m fine, I promise".

"I’m really sorry for not being there to help you".

"Are you joking?" she left her cup on the table and got a bit closer to him "you were in a moment of your life in which you couldn’t, you didn’t have to bear with anything else. And the doctors in the institution has helped me a lot, so you don’t have to feel bad".

"When did you get out of the institution?".

"Three days ago. Doctor Tanner had searched an apartment for me and here I am. Now I have to look for work. Thanks God National Security let me keep in the curriculum the years I’ve worked in a school in Maine".

"In a school?".

"In the library. Hotchner made sure I had everything I needed. A hourse, the job… My partners were wonderful. At the beginning it was hard, I couldn’t get used to be called Sarah and…".

"Sarah Ryder" she nodded "they are my initials…".

"The possibilities to see each other were really low and I wanted something that reminded me of you. It sounds obsessive, I know, I’m sorry…".

"Don’t worry…".

They stayed in silence for a few seconds. She took her cup again and got comfortable in her sit.

"Thank you for the list of books, they are wonderful".

"I’m glad to know you’ve enjoyed them. By the way, I got your note with the quote of José Ángel Buesa. I had it with me in my wallet but it broke for being bent for so long".

"I also sent you the cane when you got shot, did you like it?".

"How…?".

Allison sighed and told him everything about the emails, when he caught anthrax and went to see him at the hospital and when she visited Hotchner who banned her to contact again.

"But that was…".

"Reckless? Hotch told me already. And I knew it but I didn’t want to say goodbye" she smiled with sadness "I looked like stalker and I must confess that I had decided not to come back even if Williamson was arrested".

"Why?" he asked confused.

"Because I’m just a survivor, you did for me more than you should already. I would never forget that but you have to keep going on, I can’t hold on to you".

"But you are here, what made you change your mind?".

"When I was told in the doctor that I was pregnant, I immediately wanted to abort so I was sent to another floor in the hospital. I was hours waiting and I started to doubt if it was right or not, that baby had not fault but I knew I wouldn’t be able of looking at it without remembering all that had happened. And I got scared because I felt like a monster. I was so scared and I started to hum. I hummed ‘your song’" she swallowed and a tear rolled down her cheek "and I don’t know, I just let myself go as always. I locked myself in the Maine’s house for two weeks and one day I got up, packed my things and came".

"You are not a monster for interrupting a pregnancy suffered after a rape. Actually, 30% of women decide to have an abortion after a sexual assault" Allison sighed and wiped out the tear "sorry, I always talk without thinking".

"It’s okay" she pressed her lips into a thin line "I’ve been 6 months in therapy to be able of talking about the rape and the abortion without stepping into a spiral of tears and trembles, but it’s still hard. I will always be".

"I’m really sorry Allison".

He doubted about putting his hand on her arm, he didn’t know the reaction she could have with the physical contact of a man "doctor Tanner made a contact therapy with me, starting with the hands, forearms, biceps, shoulders, neck, face and hugs so I don’t get a panic attack if a man touches me".

Reid nodded and put his hand over her forearm, action she answered by putting her hand over his and smiled.

"Thank you…".

They both settled on the couch and talked about the four years Allison spent in Maine. Her first days, her companions, even Brad. Then she gathered her courage and told him in detail what had happened that night. Reid insisted that it was not necessary, but she wanted to share it with him "…and I collapsed. I don’t even know how I got to the hospital, I didn’t ask, but when I woke up I panicked and it hurt. They had to give me medicine so the police couldn’t ask me until days later. But you know that, it’s in my archive".

"Yes".

Allison sighed and looked at the clock realizing what time it was "it’s time for lunch, do you want to stay?".

Reid stared at her biting his lip. He should go back to work to do paperwork but he wanted to keep taking to her. Maybe they didn’t have the same connection they shared 4 years ago but he cared about her, maybe to the memory of what they were once, but it was still here.

"I would love to have lunch with you and keep talking. I’ve seen you have boxes filled with books, I can help you to place them and comment your impression…".

The smile in Allison’s lips were truly genuine "great idea, I was going to order Chinese food but we can order whatever you want".

"No, Chinese food is fine".

After lunch, they spent the rest of the afternoon placing the books and commenting on the works at the same time, laughing and arguing amicably, though Reid was always right because he knew much more than she did. But hearing her point of view and the fact that she rebutted him, he liked it. Most of the time people just gave him the reason for his genius.

It was already dark when the two were sitting on the couch and covered with a blanket.

"And what happens with college? I thought you wanted to keep studying".

"And I would love it but I don’t know to what point I could do it while I was in Maine, not just for the money but because of the false identity".

"Now you can study though".

"I still don’t have money enough. I’m going to look for a job in libraries of schools and high schools. But before that I have to organize my life" she looked away "right now I don’t know who I am more, Allison or Sarah…".

"I will help you to discover who you are now" Allison looked at him "and it’s not because I feel responsible of you. This afternoon… It’s like time has not passed, like the afternoons in the protection apartment".

He gifted her his nervous smile and Allison bit her lip, thinking of asking or nor.

"And how are you? We haven’t stopped talking about me…" the doctor’s face changed and looked away "I’m really sorry about what happened, she had to be a wonderful person".

"She was…" he whispered.

"I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything" the man closed his eyes sighing and shook his head pressing his lips into a thin line "one day you will get up and breath won’t hurt, and you will look back and you won’t cry remembering her".

Reid opened his eyes and stared at her "four years has happened and you haven’t change… You still are compressive, generous and an innate fighter".

"You’ve forgotten stubborn".

The doctor smiled slightly and took a deep breath, looking at his hands.

"I should go, it’s late" he looked at her "I’ve loved spending this day with you, Allison".

"Yeah, it has been great. We can do it again when you want".

Reid nodded.

"Sure" both stood up and went to the main door "you should come to the unit, I’m sure they will be happy to see you".

"I will soon, promise".

"And I’ll come to see you as soon as I can".

"Don’t worry, I won’t move from here".

Reid pressed his lips into a thin line and Allison opened the door.

"See you soon Spencer" she said smiling.

"See you".

The doctor crossed the doorway but turned to look at her "thank you Allison".

She didn’t need to ask why "thank you for looking for me".

Reid looked at her for a second and nodded before disappearing down the stairs. On his way home, he couldn’t help thinking how he hadn’t resisted showing his most vulnerable side, but it had been natural, as if it were normal. And deep down he knew they would help each other.

On the other hand, Allison picked up something to eat and lay on the couch, thinking about everything they had talked about and how she had felt. A small smile making itself permanent on her lips. Dr. Spencer Reid could make her smile after all.


	6. Chapter 6

The next day Allison woke up when she heard the bell at the front door. Rubbing her eyes and murmuring a faint ‘coming', she yawned before looking through the peephole. She opened the door quickly and smiled at the unexpected visitor:

"Hotch!" exclaimed before hugging him by his waist.

The man smiled slightly and hugged her back "hello Allison".

She smiled and pulled away to let him step into the house.

"Have I woken you up?" he asked.

"Yes, but it’s okay. I’m really glad you’ve come, do you want a coffee? I need one" she smiled still half asleep.

"Sure".

"Come with me" they both went to the kitchen and she sat at the table while she prepared the coffees "how are you?".

"I would have liked you to come to me when you came back from Maine, but I understand you wanted to ask for help on your own, it doesn’t surprise me" Allison laughed before sitting in front of him "how are you feeling?".

"I haven’t had nightmares for three weeks and I’ve been in the street where men don’t scare me if they are too close. Not bad".

"I would like to talk to your doctor".

"Why?".

"I don’t know if you are aware that a person who has suffered the aggressions you have gone through needs a follow-up of at least one year. You have been in the center for half a year but you must remain under supervision and I want to be the one in charge of your progression" she swallowed "with my job is difficult but I promise that if I can’t be there when you need, someone will be".

"And did you decide that yesterday?".

"No, I decided it in the moment your archive where in my hands six months ago".

Allison pressed her lips together and took a deep breath trying not to cry.

"Thank you" said letting a couple of tears to roll down but cleaned them and smiled "and tell me, how is little Jack?".

They talked about the little one, not so small anymore, Jack. They also talked about Reid and their time together the day before "it was… Weird? I don’t know… But he stayed for lunch and we started to talk about books and the atmosphere changed, for a while it all seemed normal".

"And did you talked about what happened to you?".

"Yes, I told him. I felt I had to do it. By the way, I know what happened with his girlfriend, have you checked that he hasn’t consumed again?".

"You know his problem with Dilaudid?".

"He told me one afternoon when we were in the protection apartment…".

"Don’t worry, he hasn’t".

Allison nodded calmed although she was still worried about the doctor. Not long after, the man's phone rang, they both knew what it meant. The young woman picked up the coffee cups and turned around when she heard her visitor get up from the chair.

"I have to go back, we have a case".

"The bad ones never rest" she said smiling.

"It has been a pleasure to see you Allison and I’m sure the rest want to see you too".

"I will go to see you soon".

They said goodbye at the door and Hotch when back to the unit. He had to admit that he did not know what version of Allison he would find after all that had happened, but he was satisfied to find a mature version with the same smile as the girl he remembered. However, he was worried that everything was a facade, because he knew better than anyone that the traumas Allison had gone through were too strong to overcome in only 6 months.

Two days later Allison at last got a phone and contacted with Hotch to let him know. She immediately started to look for a job, wherever it was.

The night fell and she found herself lying on the sofa with a book in her hands. Suddenly her new cell phone started ringing and she jumped a bit on her sofa because of the surprise. She didn’t know the number but took it anyone.

"Allison? I’m J.J.".

"J.J! Hi!".

"How are you?" she asked laughing.

"Great, and you? How it was the case?".

"We’ve come back a few hours ago and we are going to go to have a drink, do you want to come?".

"Really?".

"Of course! They all want to see you and…".

"ALLISON!!" it was Garcia voice "I WANT TO SEE YOU!".

The woman laughed and got up from the sofa "tell me where it is and I’ll go".

The agent gave her the address and Allison hurried to change and head towards the bar.

When she reached the door she took a breath, nervous to meet the team again and enter a bar for the first time since the aggression. She pushed the door and saw that there were not too many people, which was a relief, quickly finding the FBI group standing around a table where their drinks were. She smiled standing in her place and could take two steps towards them before Penelope realized and shouted her name, attacking her with a big hug. Allison laughed hugging her back "Hi Garcia".

"God, how happy I am that you are here" said pulling away to look at her face "what a beautiful thing you are".

"I’ve missed you too" Allison said smiling.

"I don’t want to get emotional".

Both giggled and approached the table where Morgan was the first one to get her with a smile "welcome back girl".

"Hi Morgan" she smiled and hugged for a few seconds.

Allison also hugged Rossi, Hotch and J.J. while Reid and she just smiled at each other. Then she realized there was a new face next to the doctor so she smiled shyly "hello".

The woman smiled too and offered her hand "Alex Blake".

"Allison Monroe, nice to meet you".

Rossi went to ask for a drink for her while she stayed with the rest.

"Tell us, how are you readapting?" Garcia asked.

"I’m doing fine, tomorrow I will go to an interview in a cafeteria, I hope to get the job. I need to be active because being at home gets me crazy".

Once Rossi came back with her drink, they talked a little about Allison's years in Maine and cases with a happy ending.   
They ended up sitting on stools, laughing and drinking. Even Garcia dragged J.J., Blake and Allison to the karaoke to sing while the boys applauded and recorded them with their phones.

The bar began to fill up and Allison began to feel uncomfortable with so many men around, Reid was the first to notice "I think we should go home now".

They all looked at the doctor who was looking at Allison by the corner of his eyes.

"Sure, let’s go" said Hotch.

"I pay" said Rossi before disappearing.

The others formed an Indian line and left the bar, J.J. in front of Allison and Garcia behind. They waited in the street for Rossi to join them to say goodbye.

"I will take you home" Hotch said to Allison "and it’s not a suggestion".

"Okay" she replied smiling.

Allison hugged everyone except Reid who was looking at her with a small smile "thank you for getting me out of there".

"No problem" he said pulling away the hair from his eyes and something in his wrist called Allison’s attention.

"Oh my… You still have the bracelet".

The doctor looked at his wrist where her bracelet was once again "I stopped wearing it because the brooch broke and I kept it on my bedside table. When we met the other again, I took it to fix it and… If you want it back…" said looking back at her to see she was frowning.

"No, it’s yours. I wanted you to keep it and it’s still that way" Reid nodded with a small smile "see you soon Spencer".

"Yes, goodnight Allison".

She smiled and turned to Hotch who took her home.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!!! Description and mentions of rape.

Allison got the job in the cafeteria and she felt it was first step to have control in her life again. She met with Jack again and they clicked again once again; when her shift in the cafeteria was in the morning, she used to go to Hotch's house to spend time with Jack.

Other days, Garcia would invite her to her house or go out in search of magical and intimate places. J.J. had also opened the doors of her house, Allison had met Will who she liked immediately and fell in love with little Henry. He had also met Morgan's girlfriend, Savannah, and she had gone to Rossi’s mansion twice. Blake and Allison didn’t meet on so many occasions, but they always enjoyed talking about linguistics in literature. The young woman was always speechless with the knowledge of the agent.

Yes, Allison was happy with how things were going in her life.

However, she didn’t share many moments with Reid. But she didn’t blame him. After what had happened to Maeve, she understood that it has to be hard for him to open up with a new person, even though she technically wasn’t. When they were together they were comfortable, that was undeniable, but he was reluctant to be left the two of them alone, not to mention physical contact. Allison knew perfectly well about his germ phobia, even though those close to him could touch him without problem. Deep down, it did not matter. It was a matter of time before they could be described as friends and not mere acquaintances, and she knew how to be patient.

That afternoon she took the subway to return home, as she had been doing for weeks. Allison wanted to overcome another barrier within her therapy, crowded places. A man stood behind her in the wagon, both holding to the roof bar as there were no seats available. Allison took a deep breath and squeezed the strap of her bag, she tried to regulate her breathing that had increased although it was costing her.

When the subway stopped at the stop where she had to get off, the man lost his balance and lunged at Allison unintentionally, his chest making contact with her back. He mumbled a 'sorry' with his shrill voice, which made Allison run out of the wagon and crossed the platform to the street, feeling that no matter how hard she tried to breathe, her larynx had closed. Allison dropped on the sidewalk, crawling to an alley where she could get away from the confused looks of others. First, her hands began to tremble, then her arms and shoulders, finally her back and legs. She knew that she was beginning to hyperventilate and covered her nose and mouth to stop breathing for a moment, which allowed her to catch her breath and control her breathing. She picked up the phone and called the number she had on a quick call.

"Hello Allison" Hotch answered at the other side of the line "now we are in the middle of a case and…".

"Hotch…" said in a whisper.

"What happens?" he asked becoming alert, like the rest of the group that were with him.

"The s-subway, a man… A man h-has fa-fallen over m-me…".

"Try to be calmed, I’m going. Breath okay".

Hotch hung up and looked at Garcia that was sitting in front of her laptop.

"Garcia please, locate Allison’s phone".

"Sure sir" she tapped the keyboard as fast as she could "she’s in the corner with Beckley".

"Thank you" he looked at the rest "I’ll try no to be away for too long, keep going with…".

"Hotch" Reid interrupted from the other line that was attached to the room because he was in the street with Blake "we are closer, I’ll take care of it".

"Okay, thank you Reid".

Hotch frowned worried and J.J. spoke up "it’s normal she had a relapsed if that man touched her back".

"I know, I hope Reid can calm her down" he sighed "let’s keep going".

Meanwhile, Blake drove to the address they had heard on the phone "what has happened?".

"When Williamson sexually assaulted her, he did it from behind. According to the report, he hit her in the lower back, leaving her breathless, so he took the opportunity to throw her on the floor and step on her hands. She tried to defend herself but caught her by the head and hit her on the ground causing her to be stunned. He lowered her pants and underwear, and to keep her immobile, he put all his body on top of hers, with one hand gripping her wrists and with the other he covered her mouth".

"Poor girl…".

Shortly after they parked the car and Reid saw Allison curled up against the wall, looking at some point on the ground. He looked at Blake, who was behind him, and crouched down in front of Allison slowly so as not to scare her.

"Allison, I’m Spencer, can you hear me?" she nodded but didn’t look up "Allison, I know you are really scared right now but you are safe. Williamson is between bars y he will be for a long time. What has happened in the subway has been an accident and that man didn’t want to hurt you".

She nodded again.

"I’m going to show you my hands and I want you to put yours over mine".

Reid put his hands up in front of the girl's eyes. She swallowed and lifted her trembling hands, placing them gently over his "I’m going to take your hands" she didn’t react when he grabbed her hands, he kept going "very good, I’m going to take my hands up your arms, like in the therapy, okay?"

Allison nodded once again and closed her eyes just to feel the hands of the doctor. Reid started to go up her forearms and shoulders slowly. When he reached her neck, he noted how she tensed.

"Ey, look at me" he whispered.

Allison opened her eyes filled with tears and looked at him scared.

"You are doing it really well" he wiped out her cheeks "just the last level, do you think you can do it?".

Blake, who was behind Reid watching them, frowned wondering what was the last level. Allison got up off the floor with Reid’s help by holding her elbows. They didn’t stop looking into each other's eyes, which gave her peace of mind. He pulled his hands away and put one hand gently around her waist, while the other arm wrapped around her shoulders. Allison sighed and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her cheek against his chest. The agent felt that she was still tense so he stroked her hair, doing a little pressure with the arm around her waist.

"Very good Allison, you’ve done it amazing".

"I’m sorry" she whispered.

"Shhh…".

Blake took her phone and called Hotch to let him know Allison was alright.

One of Allison’s hands went up his back and pressed that hand at the same time she pressed her cheek against his chest. And he didn’t mind. He caressed her waist with his thumb and his other hand stayed at the back of her neck.

"Are you okay?" he asked lowly.

"I’m a bit dizzy".

"I’ll stay with you until you are better".

"But" she pulled away her head to look at him "Hotch has said you were with a case".

"Yes, but they can work without me for a couple of hours".

"That’s right" Reid and Allison pulled away to look at Blake "don’t worry, I will go back so Reid can take you home".

"I feel like an idiot for what has happened".

"A person who has suffered a sexual assault takes about two years to overcome the first stage, or stage of crisis, characterized by alterations of sleep and depression along with negative thoughts about your own life and image. Then, it may take another two years to overcome the second stage where the victim develops defense mechanisms and doesn’t know how to manage the emotional ups and downs that she suffers. In your case" Reid turned to her "you’ve overcome the first stage in half an age, you should feel proud of yourself and never, ever, feel guilty of reliving a trauma that you have survived".

The woman pressed her lips into a thin line and sighed trying not to cry. Blake sighed and caressed her cheek "if you need anything, call us".

"Thank you Alex".

The agent left and Allison turned to look at Reid though her eyes went to the floor "I’m really sorry you had to do that".

"Do what?".

"Hug me. I know you are not comfortable with physical contact".

"Allison" she looked up to those big hazel eyes filled with compassion "I’m not the best person with physical contact, it’s true, but you are my friend and years ago I couldn’t keep my promise to be by your side, but now I can. To talk about books, try new food, theorize about fantasy worlds…" she laughed and he smiled "and to hug too".

She smiled shaking her hand and took a small step to him "thank you very much".

"My pleasure" he replied smiling.

They left the alley and Reid insisted in taking her home. They walked in silence, but they were comfortable with that. Soon they reached her building and she looked at him shyly "when you end the case, come to have dinner, you should try my pelmenis".

Reid smiled "since when do you cook Russian dishes?".

"I’m a box of surprises".

"Did you know that the traditional receipt require 45% beef, 35% lamb and 20% pork to make the filling? And spices often differ: pepper, onions and garlic. How do you do it?".

"You’ll have to come to know".

"It will be a pleasure" said nodding "call Hotch as soon as possible, I’m sure he’s worried".

"I will, and thank you again".

"You are welcome" replied with a small smile.

He waited for her to open the door before going. On his way back to work, he thought of the embrace they had shared and how she sought comfort in him. He knew that Alison was an affectionate person and the physical demonstrations of affection were something she did naturally. Even though he was not used to it, he couldn’t help but smile at the thought that he made her feel better with just a hug.


End file.
